6 Humbling Confessions of a First Time Mom

In recent weeks I’ve witnessed several other mamas struggling, and what I found so sad about their struggle was that they seemed embarrassed and ashamed. Like maybe they thought they were the only one to ever wrestle with motherhood in that way. Below are my 5 Humbling Confessions of a First Time Mom. I’m writing this to hopefully give comfort to any other new moms out there who feel alone and broken. We’ve all been there, and you are anything but alone.

1. Breastfeeding is hard.

Ronia is 14 months old and we are nearly done with our breastfeeding journey. These past 14 months have been some of the most challenging of my life, because breastfeeding is hard. Motherhood is giving of yourself physically, constantly. It’s okay to not be in love with breastfeeding. It’s okay to struggle and wrestle with it and even to choose a different path for you and your baby. All of that is okay.

We almost didn’t make it this long because I went through a month of Ronia biting me. And I cried a lot of tears wondering how I could keep going, but we made it. So whether you are choosing to stop and switch to formula or power through in spite of yourself, I understand. And I’m proud of you.

2. I’ve yelled at my kid.

I’m not proud of it…at all. It tears my heart to pieces to even write these humbling confessions, but I have raised my voice at Ronia. A few times. Because my baby knows exactly which buttons to push to drive me off the edge. I’m learning that when I make a mistake like that, it’s important for me to model to my daughter how to apologize. So I say sorry to my one year old. Even though I’m not sure she understands.

I’m also learning that in those moments when I’ve lost my cool, it’s almost always because I am burnt out and haven’t spent any time in my Bible lately. Prioritizing time alone and with the Lord is very important for me.

3. I’m going to therapy.

One of the best pieces of advice I could give any first time parent is to go to therapy. In fact, everyone should just go to therapy no matter what. A few months ago I decided to seek help to understand why I’m so triggered when my baby has night terrors or screams at night. My therapist helped me understand the source of why that’s happening, and now it doesn’t bother me nearly as much. I think it’s about time we removed the stigma from therapy, don’t you think?

4. My baby eats food off the floor.

Sometimes I just lay a few goldfish crackers or puffs on the carpet for Ronia to eat. I don’t put her in her high chair or sit her at the table. I just let her make a mess on the floor and then I clean it up later. Sure, I occasionally try and put those snacks in a bowl or cup, but she always dumps them. So sometimes I don’t bother with the cup, and we eat “floor snacks.”

5. My baby gets screen time.

Now a days it seems like a big no-no for your baby to have any screen time. We don’t let Ronia watch the TV excessively, but she does get screen time. At least once a day for a few minutes. Sometimes more than that. My baby gets screen time. It’s just something that happens and I’m okay with it.

6. Sometimes I don’t want to mom.

The last of my humbling confessions is a big one. There are days when all I want is a silent room to myself and no one asking anything of me. I love my baby more than my own life, but there are days when I just don’t want to mom. I just miss the days when I could go somewhere without packing a thousand things, when I could sit and read a book for hours or try clothes on in a dressing room. You know, those little things you didn’t even know you could miss.

If you are a new mama and sometimes feel like you just don’t want to mom, then I completely understand you. It’s okay to love your baby with a fierce and unexplainable love while also wishing they would leave you alone so you could get a decent night of sleep. Motherhood, I’m finding, is the balance of those two emotions.

Thank you for reading about the 5 Humbling Confessions of a First Time Mom. I hope I could be of help and encouragement to someone. For more about motherhood, check out these posts below:

5 Unexpected Lessons in 1 Year as a Mom
5 Mamas I Love to Follow on Youtube and Why
6 Things I Learned in 6 Months as a New Mom
What Helped Me Prepare to be a First Time Mom

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Love always,